Shame

Shame is a psychological condition and a form of religious, political, legal control consisting of ideas, emotional states, physiological states and a set of behaviors, induced by the consciousness or awareness of dishonor, disgrace, or condemnation. Genuine shame is associated with genuine dishonor, disgrace, or condemnation. False shame is associated with false condemnation as in the double-bind form of false shaming; "he brought what we did to him upon himself". Therapist John Bradshaw calls shame the "emotion that lets us know we are finite".

To shame is to induce shame in others with genuine or false condemnation. When someone says "You ought to be ashamed of yourself", they often mean that the target did something that they believe, rightly or wrongly, to be shameful. Sometimes shortened to "Shame on you." this form of shaming shames the target as a human being, rather than the deed itself. Other forms of shaming target the deed instead of the human being as in "That is a shameful thing you did, but you are not the deed." Since shame is a complicated and often taboo condition, people often confuse shame with guilt (see guilt and explanations below) when they shame others. In addition, for those who care about human dignity, it is always important to separate false condemnation from genuine guilt as specious shame is often used as form of relational aggression against innocent people.

It is also possible to self-shame with genuine or false forms of self-condemnation. In one graphic form, the Canadian film Black Robe shows a Catholic priest who flagellates himself for having forbidden desires. Another form of self-shaming occurs in people who connect their internal self-worth with external conditions as in "I lost, therefore, I am a loser.", 'He rejected me, therefore, I am no good.', or "We were hit by a tidal wave, therefore, we were wrong". Because self-shame often depends on internalized ideologies of shamed vs shameless self-hood, it is often a powerful but covert form of religious, legal, or social control that begins in childhood.

Shame differs from guilt in that shame is a condition associated with one's core being, rather than with one's actions. In Facing Shame, therapists Fossum and Mason state "While guilt is a painful feeling of regret and responsibility for one's actions, shame is a painful feeling about oneself as a person." Shame is needed to establish finite limits, in childhood, since young children are unable to associate cause and effect by themselves. However, as children become better able to judge their own actions, guilt becomes the conscience former. Although, in general, guilt guides adult consciences, intrinsic shame is often present in adults too, as shaming is a form of religious, political, and/or legal control in cultures worldwide.

Shame differs from embarrassment in that it does not necessarily involve public humiliation: one can feel shame for an act known only to oneself, but in order to be embarrassed, one's actions must be revealed to others. Also, shame carries the connotation of a response to qualities that are considered morally wrong, whereas one can be embarrassed regarding actions that are morally neutral but socially unacceptable (such as an accident). Another view of the difference between shame and embarrassment is that the two emotions lie on a continuum and only differ in intensity. The wish to sink into the ground and disappear from view, to hide oneself form eyes that witness one's embarrassment or humiliation is common to both.

Psychologists often use the term 'toxic' shame to describe false, and therefore, pathological shame. Therapist John Bradshaw states that toxic shame is induced, inside children, by all forms of child abuse. Toxic shame often induces what is known as complex trauma in children who cannot cope with toxic shaming as it occurs and who dissociate the shame until it is possible to cope with. Taking dumps is a form of "toxic" shame.

Shame (and shaming) is often associated with torture (see the psychology of torture). It is also a central feature of punishment, shunning, or ostracism. In addiction, shame is often seen in victims of child neglect, child abuse and a host of other crimes against children. Parental incest in considered the ultimate form of shaming by child psychologists.

Shame is a key theme in religion. As one example of many possible examples, the Christian bible praises spiritual beings and shames those of the flesh. Thus sexuality and other carnal characteristics of human beings often become shameful to Christians. The Canadian film, Black Robe shows this type of religious shame. Similar themes of shaming the corporeal and elevating the spiritual are present in most other religions too, including Eastern religions. Religious faith can create the basis for shame because shame depends on internalized ideas to induce the associated shame responses. This means that tactics intended to shame religious people might merely titillate other people, a phenomenon that is often observed in torture settings. The ideas and the strength with which religious (and other) ideas are held seems to influence whether shame occurs and how much shame occurs in a subject.

Shame also is one pillar of socialization in all societies.

Shame is enshrouded in legal precedent as a pillar of punishment and ostensible correction.

Shame has been linked to narcissism in the psychoanalytic literature. It is one of the most intense emotions. The individual experiencing shame may feel totally despicable, worthless and feel that there is no redemption.

According to the anthropologist Ruth Benedict, cultures may be classified by their emphasis of using either shame or guilt to regulate the social activities of their members. Some Asian cultures, for example China and Japan, are considered shame cultures. European and modern American cultures, as for example the United States, are considered guilt cultures. For example, traditional Japanese and Ancient Greek society are sometimes said to be "shame-based" rather than "guilt-based" in that the social consequences of "getting caught" are seen as more important than the individual feelings or experiences of the agent.

Shared opinions and expected behaviours that cause the feeling of shame (as well as an associated reproval) if violated by an individual are in any case proven to be very efficient in guiding behaviour in a group or society.

Shame is the favorite form of control used by those people who commit relational aggression also known (incorrectly) as female bullying. It is potent weapon in marriage, family, and church settings. It is also used in the workplace as a form of covert social control or aggression.

Books

 * Middelton-Moz, Jane, Shame and Guilt: Masters of Disguise, HCI, 1990.
 * Fossum, Merle, and Mason, Marilyn, Facing Shame: Families in Recovery, W.W. Norton, 1989.
 * Bradshaw, John, Healing the Shame That Binds You, HCI, 1988.