My Life With Separation Anxiety

Hello. I thought this would be a good idea to tell some of you about this disorder, to see what it's like to go through, how life is everyday with it. If any of you already have this you will already know what I will be going through. So, I have a small family, including my sister, mother, and my father. I love them all and care about them. I'm pretty sure the reason that I have Separation Anxiety Disorder is because of both my mom and dad, mostly my mom though. My mom was always very protective of me and would always make sure that I was where she could see me when I was much younger, as well as my dad. It was almost hard to go anywhere because they would always need to know where I was going. I still remember the moment where it hit me that I have something that not everyone has. I felt behind everyone, it felt as if I was slowing my friends down from doing anything because I would be worries my "caretaker" wasn't around. I wasn't able to even stay home alone until I reached 13 (This may seem young, but a lot of my friends stayed home alone since they were around 10.) When I was 4 years old and it was my first dat of school, I wouldn't leave my mom, I held on to that door to my classroom for dear life! My mom never really thought I had Separation Anxiety at first because I was just young and the doctors usually said it was normal for kids at 4 and younger to have it. But... it never went away. I remember some of the most terrifying times for me, some were like blackouts and I don't remember them at all. Having a younger sibling who is much more outgoing and doesn't mind going places alone is very, very hard. We would lose her sometimes when we would go to places with lots of people and I remember my mom telling me that if this thing were to ever happen (My sister getting lost) to look at either her or my dad, and if they had calm faces then that would mean I could be calm. But, it was almost like my brain didn't trust them, so then it started. I started having assumptions like "What if someone kidnapped her?!" "What if she was murdered?!" and more. I started having a panic attack and couldn't breathe at all. My mom and dad hate when I do this, they tell me that I only make the situation worse if I am like this, that if they are calm I should be calm. I continuously look at their staright faces, as they are calm. I don't want to even want to think of anything, but my mind just keeps assuming the worst... and then I start screaming. I'll start shouting my sister's name louder and louder, I don't care about who hears me or who is around me, I just keep screaming. My dad tells me to quiet down, he knows that I have Separation Anxiety but he doesn't know how to handle me with it. We thankfully find her and I start to break down crying and then rage just comes from me and I start screaming at her to never do that, to never sepearate from us. I say things like "This is why you don't go ahead of us!" and my mom will say things to help me calm down while my dad will usually just take my sister somewhere with just the two of them. That is probably one of my worst experiences, another one is being home alone. So, this was a few years ago, I had the flu and I could NOT go to school, but I had nobody who was able to watch me, so that meant staying home alone. Now I'm used to staying home for about 20-30 minutes or an hour max. Anymore and I usually start feeling sick and start calling my mom to check on her. Well, this day I had to stay home for 7 hours, with my mom coming home for about 20 minutes in between and then going back. So, I didn't know how to feel about this. Being a bit older then I was from the losing my sister story, I definitely handled the situation better. For any of you who have Separation Anxiety and you're younger, if you are staying home alone and don't want to start freaking out here is what I suggest you do becuase these things definitely help me. This is definitely what I suggest, I hope you were all able to understand a little bit better of what I go through. If you have any questions or concerns I would be glad to answer any you have.
 * 1) Call A Friend (My Friend Had The Flu On The Same Day As Me)
 * 2) Play Loud Music
 * 3) Stay In A Room Where You Feel Safest, Close The Door, And Turn The T.V. Loud.

Thank You For Hearing My Story <3