User:Lyndelle/Experience

02:09 7/17/06

I've discovered I have a twin. It's called my shadow self. It is made up of all the junk I've been stowing all my life. Some of the stuff is beneficial, some causes problems. There is light in the shadow that is beneficial.

I've decided that Dee's nastiness towards me is Shadow's way of getting my attention to itself. Carl Jung has written that if a person can get rid of all projections, that person's shadow would be huge and very dense. The projections can go, but the shadow remains.

So, I'm making friends with my shadow. It wants to be recognized as the other half of me. My subconscious.

I've already worked with my "inner child". Now it's time to work with the "inner badly behaved child" which needs to be recognized, guided and disciplined. It's been operating for many years without any guidance at all from me. I only became aware of it today or yesterday.

To begin with, I'm working to get rid of the ugly picture of Dee, and to get a picture of Shadow.

I've defragged my computer, and deleted hundreds of useless files. Hopefully, this is how I can get rid of the useless "must nots" and "not necessaries" in Shadow's makeup. I'm debating whether to delete my "Elkhorn Village File". Nothing about EV has really been the culprit, not Casey, not Carlotta, not Rachel's lack of concern. It's been my own pattern of thought together with Shadow's strongest set of ideas.

If I'm not making sense now, one day soon I will. This is a new concept to me, and I'm struggling with it. It's like discovering I have a siamese twin. A twin attached to me through hell and high water.

I read on a Reiki page, that the way to handle Shadow is to locate the area of my body it manifests it's activities in, then send Reiki to that area or those areas. I think it must be my skin. Maybe my sinuses. Maybe both.

My problems all come from within. What I can see and hear and feel with my physical senses is history. The source is within me. Shadow and I are responsible for all my problems. Certainly not Dee. Dee has no power. She's been a puppet of Shadow's making. No more. It's easier and much more pleasant to work on making friends with Shadow than with Dee. Dee is temporary. Shadow is permanent.

I've opened a new directory in My Documents, named ShadowAndMe. The files will be named and saved in yy/mm/dd/hour.txt format, so I will have a running record of our progress, in chronological order.

There can't be a shadow without light. So Shadow doesn't live in the dark. I have been thinking of Shadow as a rebellious out of control young boy. My job is to get him guided into responsible adulthood.

Shadow has murderous rages. Much anger.

While researching Google for Shadow Self, I ran across "Seventh House" several times. Our Shadow Self is said to control that house. It's opposite our first house. I'm not familiar with which house is which. I might check that out.

02:41 7/17/06

Here it is:

"The Seventh House shows us that partnerships can take many forms: marriage, business relationships, contracts, legalities, negotiations and agreements."

My partnership is with Shadow.

"Why do we choose this partnership?...We may simply want the company and companionship of another."

I have no choice in the matter. Shadow is my twin self.

Our 7th house is Taurus, with Venus and the Moon.

We were born south of Mt. Shasta when the Moon was settling over the Pacific Ocean.

Our 1st House, Ascendant, is Scorpio, occupied by Jupiter.

This is enough for now. 04:09 7/17/06